Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
