I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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