I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I would fuck him just for his dog
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
