Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
