New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
