It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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