Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
