People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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