I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
