I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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