I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
