White coat. Heels.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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