Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
