Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
