So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
