he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
