Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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