I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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