oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Randomize
