we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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