Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
