I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
