Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize