Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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