y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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