I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
