We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize