Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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