i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
