Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
