A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
