My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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