don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
