Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
