Need sex. Gaining weight.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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