People in love make me want to vomit
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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