Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
