She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
