I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
