Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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