I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
