Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
