Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
