i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
