life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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