It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
