i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
