I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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