He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
