...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
