My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
