Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
