Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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