i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
