we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
