There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
They left me at home... I'm a liability
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
