I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't put those talents on a resume
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
