So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The air taste purple.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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