Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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