i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
