i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
