is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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