Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
