I hate all girls vehemently.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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