Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
