Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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