Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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